life: the if game

i'm sitting here, knowing good & well i should be doing something else... but not doing it.
we got home last night after spending 3 days at nana's & papa's, and i'm tired.
i'm working on my third load of laundry, with probably two more to go..
why does it feel like i come home with more dirty clothes than clean clothes i left with? is that just me?

anyways.. so back to what i was saying.
i had to rearrange some plans for our 'craft/project' today because apparently although we HAVE a drill in our possession, it lacks the ability to be charged.
uhm, why haven't we rectified that yet?
so we have to wait for the hubs to return home with his 'work' drill to help us out.

in the meantime i felt like blogging. about what?
our trip to nanas? i have plenty of pictures. nope. don't feel like downloading.
our bowling trip? nope. requires downloading pictures.
am i being lazy? yep.

but then this sweet new friend of mine wrote me a little message, & i decided to take a cue from one of her recent posts :)

do you play the if game? i play it with myself endlessly.
i use the word 'play' loosely, because sometimes it's an alternate word for the truth.
which is 'worry'.
see, now you know what i'm talking about, right?
you're not fooling me. worry-wart.
it's okay. i understand. i do it too.
i'd like to say it's a mama-thing.. but the truth is, i've been this way all my life.
maybe it's cause i'm a libra? although i'm not one for attributing actions to birth signs.
but i'm telling ya.. the scales works as a symbol for my thoughts process on more occasions than i can count.
i'm a pros & cons kinda girl.

but. i'm not here to talk about signs. or worrying.
i'm here to talk about the actually 'if...' game.

specifically.. 'if...' you could have any job, what would it be?

1. artist. i can still feel it itching there under my skin. i was always better with words than with lines. but i can't draw, and i can't paint. i look at pictures of artists, pouring their heart & soul into their work, and i know i'm not one. not in that sense that you give up eating to buy the tools to make your art. (ya, anyone who knows me would know i'd through over a paintbrush for a scoop of ice cream in a heartbeat) i want to be that semi-crazy, emotional, filled to the brim with inspiration kinda person. in some ways i am, i think.. or rather i hope. but i surely ain't no starving artist.

2. writer. words move me. every time i sit down and get into a good book i wish i had the drive, the determination to sit down and figure the whole thing out. i feel like to be considered a writer worthy of recognition you have to be someone who says something that changes people... that's what i'd like to be. i could care less about the hoards of money & fame. but sadly, i feel like often that follows the stigma of artist.. that you're not recognized as having been such until you are long gone. (well that & it seems that some of that genius comes in the form of mental illness, or extreme distress in life.. none of which i care to have, thankyouverymuch)

3. jewelry artisan. i see the ideas in my head, and for me, this one seems almost tangible. unfortunately the ideas don't always meet with funding, & it's more important to me to feed my children as well. (plus i have a total lack of confidence. i keep reciting to myself something along the lines of if you never try, you will never fail, but you'll also never succeed.)

4. cupcake baker. seriously. like as a full-time grown up job. i never really considered it before we went to nyc in 2009. we went to crumbs bakery & it was life changing. well, not really. but it was like a giant light bulb went off over my head. why couldn't we have one here? i felt like this thing would only take off if people were walking by, tempted by the smell of chocolate & sprinkles looming in the air. i worked with my aunt a few days many, many years ago in a cookie florist shop she worked at. it was SO much fun. maybe when i'm a withered old lady with lots of grandkids & blue hair on my head :) 

5. party planner. you saw the lego party... if i could do that kinda stuff all day everyday, i'd be in hog heaven. i really don't think there is anymore to be said about that!

6. museum curator. yes. this is all about 'if's' here. like IF i was willing to live in a big fancy city with big fancy museums. which, i'm not. but i could do it, and totally love it. this was what i started college with the hopes of being all those years ago. then reality set in. i'd have to move away from my family. that's never been something i've really wanted. i'm a small town girl at heart, even though the city excites me for awhile. i like knowing the person i run into at the gas station. i like remembering that my friends & i used to visit 'this' subway before band practice, every single day. i like how the memories surround me on any given day. i like roots. i like history. call me boring.

so. these are some of the ideas i've truly entertained in my life. what have you dreamt of doing? if you blog about it, leave me a link so i can come & visit and find out about you... i love making new friends ;)

xo-k