life: i threw away my scale

i did it. i threw away my bathroom scale.

and i feel good about it.

it has ruled my life for far too long.

you see, i'm not a small girl. i'm not even a curvy girl. i'm just plain old overweight.

to say i struggle with my weight is like the understatement of the year.

i've had my thyroid tested a dozen times since i was a teenager.

i've also tried weight watchers, slim fast, south beach, & the atkins diet.

i've seen doctors & nutritionists & gone to the metabolic research center.

i've exercised myself until my limbs were jell-o.

and i've stuck with all of them.

i've dropped weight, but i ALWAYS hit a 20lb wall.

it's the same for many i suppose, that 20lb barrier, the 'plateau' as they call it.

but here's the thing.

the plateau, and the scale, are my arch nemesis!!

because i, like most people trying hard to lose weight, need to SEE the results.

i need a stupid scale to show movement, or i get discouraged.

and for me, sometimes the plateau's last for a few weeks.

and in that few weeks, something in my resolve & spirit breaks.

and i get emotional, and because i'm an emotional eater.. i EAT.

i eat all those horrible comfort foods i shouldn't.

ice cream. bread. macaroni & cheese.

and then the cycle starts all over again when i wake up hating myself after a week of indulging.

so.. i threw away my scale.

it's only taken me... 15 years to cut the ties.

15 years to change my mindset.

i refuse to be ruled by a stupid number on a scale.

so.. the change in diet will continue on, as it has for the last few months..

and the exercise will be looked at as time with my boys, or by myself..

instead of a dreaded component of dieting & losing weight.

we have been pushing towards clean eating for the last few months

& we are going to start cutting gluten out of our diet.

the whole thing is sort of daunting & overwhelming..

but i'm trying to take deep breaths & work on what to eat each day.

if i can convince stephen to cut white sugar out of his diet..

i figure i can do anything.

xo-k