currents: 7.26.12

hi.
remember me?
i'm still here.
just plugging away at life.
i haven't felt up to blogging.. haven't felt up to much lately.. if i'm honest.
and my mama taught me if i didn't have anything nice to say, then i should keep my big mouth shut.

i have lots of things to be thankful for in my life..
but right now, i am struggling with happiness.
it affects my husband, my kids, and i'm trying my best to claw through it.
there are things going on that i can't talk about, and i think that makes it more difficult.
it seems like it always helps to get things off your chest.
and it also helps when people know what is going on so they don't make innocent remarks that just stab you in the heart.

ya. it's that heavy.

but i am HOPING that there will be a turn in the tides soon.

i'm putting this out there, not to beg for sympathy, or pity, or well wishes.
i'm putting it out there because i need you to understand how heavy my heart is...
i need you to understand, this is NOT about me...
because i can't change the situation...
and that's why i'm asking begging you, PLEASE pray/send positive thoughts our way.
i'm not one to reach out for these things, but since it's not for me specifically..
i'm asking you to help someone i love.. send healing positive thoughts.
PLEASE.  PLEASE. PLEASE.

and because i haven't blogged in a month..
and i have nothing really to blog about...
here's a new list of currents..

time: 1012am
location: hubs pc

watching: scooby doo & the monster of mexico. technically i guess i'm listening to it, and the kids are watching it. the babe is absolutely obsessed with 'dooby doo' & everyday he latches on to the dude's old mystery machine & scooby doo action figures & totes them around the house.

listening: the new maroon 5 album. i feel like it's a tad different from anything they've done before. it's totally sad, but totally good. maybe it's just speaking to me right now because of where my heart is. at any rate... i love it.

(i love that this method allows me to capture the somewhat 'insignificant'
moments of our week that would have gotten overlooked by me in 'traditional'
scrapbooking)

loving: project life. i get small pockets of time to work on it throughout the day, so i'm slow in catching up.. but i'm still enjoying the process, and LOVING that i don't have a mound of memorabilia in a file that hasn't made it into a scrapbook yet. when i get to the week, the pieces either go IN the album, or IN the trash. it's kind of refreshing to dump the clutter.

eating: nothing. i mean nothing. i'm on a water-fast. a detox. it's my second one this year. i've gotten over the hurdle, the first 3 days.. now hopefully it'll be a little less daunting. (i still need to blog about that whole experience)

reading: 'the dirty parts of the bible' sound strange right? it's fiction, so don't start throwing stuff at me. i couldn't help but pick it up free after reading the title & the reviews. most people hated it, which usually makes me want to read it, simply because i typically route for the underdog. that & the fact that it was described as being for people who liked 'water for elephants'. i LOVED water for elephants so i was sold. imagine jacob jankowski as the son of a preacher, and a little less worldly & you have tobias henry. with commentary on the bible.. but it's not preachy. it's actually pretty hilarious.

(our neighbors moved away in april, and we now have officially NO kids
in our neighborhood, it's been a LONG summer, and i can't seem to keep him
constantly entertained, poor kid)

anticipating: the dude entering third grade. i have a small amount of anxiety over what his teacher will be like. last year his teacher was such a patient & kind lady, he did so well under her instruction. we requested her on the advice of a former teacher... this year.. we are going back to letting the school dictate. it's nerve-wracking honestly.

(lots of swimming & hanging out at nana's this summer)

obsessing: over instagram. over pinterest. the hubs asked if i needed to be enrolled in a ten-step for my addiction. i am just addicted to visual candy right now.

pinning: healthy food choices. i'm constantly looking for ways to tweak my favorites into better choices. this year alone i've added tilapia, spaghetti squash & summer squash to my diet. i wouldn't have touched fish with a 10 foot pole before, and now we eat it once a week if not more. i have to make myself only buy one spaghetti squash every two weeks, or i'd eat it everyday.. and remembering how my mom used to try and force feed me summer squash as a kid and i gagged every time.. it's a surprise i even risked trying it. now, i'm totally glad the hubs planted it & i can't get enough.. we are eating more than we are growing!

feeling: i think we already covered that above...

craving: coffee. i just want a big HUGE enormous glass of mcdonald's vanilla iced coffee. i have yet to find a acceptable substitute for my previous homemade concoction of vanilla syrup using equal parts sugar & water boiled down, with vanilla extract added. i've tried coconut almond milk. adding almond milk & coconut sugar, and the addition of a a few tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder (which is actually not bad for you), coconut sugar & almond milk. i guess i just need to keep experimenting, or get used to less-sugary-sweet coffee!

contemplating: dip-dying my hair again once summer is over. i don't know if i'll do purple, or some other color.. but it definitely needs to happen AFTER our summer swimming sessions.

avoiding: sugar. gluten. school shopping (he's 8 now, and if last year was any indication, it's going to SO not be fun... boo on having his own opinion of clothes.. he's so damn picky!!)

here's to hoping the next blog isn't a month away :)

xo-k