one little word: believe

(kobi yamada)

i've been reciting this to myself for the last week. last two weeks, actually. i should have been reciting it to myself all these years... but i'm sure i'm not the only stranger to self-confidence here.

when it comes to some things, yes. i've got confidence enough, now, to rock purple hair (which has slowly, and sadly faded away). i once was so obsessed with a pair of old man's pinstriped railroad overalls that i wore them far more often than i should have, especially since they started out as a halloween costume. i've never much cared what people thought of my clothes.  i've always had the confidence to wear what i liked. i've gotten tattooed & pierced & never really worried about people looking down their nose at me..

in other ways, though, like taking photographs or baking, or making things and having people pay me for them.. my confidence is THROUGH THE FLOOR. i think the internet is the biggest culprit. don't we all browse blogs & websites feel like what we are doing isn't 'right' or 'good enough'?! measuring yourself against someone else's standard is essentially like taking a wrecking ball to the structure of your self-worth.

so, i'm saying ENOUGH. ENOUGH. ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

last year i was the start of a turning point for me. without thinking much about it, i dove into the world of thirty-one. i have been kept a float by my gracious aunt & her generous co-workers... but i haven't pursued much beyond that. i don't have a reason why, other than the thought of having to actually speak in front of a group of women i don't know... scares the hell out of me.

my friend stephanie asked me to cater dessert for her store's grand re-opening & second anniversary in october. before i even thought about it, i told her 'absolutely YES!' she has been such an amazing friend to me the last few years, i was eager to try and return the favor. (plus we all know i'm down for a good party planning ;) that saturday night i'm elbow deep in oreo truffles & thinking 'what in the hell did i get myself into?! what if no one likes the food?! it doesn't look like a professional bakery did it?! the swirls aren't just right!!' i seriously thought i was going to hyperventilate & the only thing that pulled me through was that i seriously didn't want to disappoint her. and you know what? people were RAVING about the desserts. i can't tell you how many compliments i received, or how many people asked me if i catered. i was completely taken back & flattered.

i have some dreams. some BIG dreams. there are some things in my heart i would really like to make happen. and i have let the years go by.. the opportunities slip through my fingers because of self-doubt. because i didn't BELIEVE in myself. because i didn't listen when other people said they BELIEVED in me.

i'm done with that.

'believe in yourself and all that you are. know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.' -christian larson

what's your 2012 word? i'd love to hear about your word & why you chose it.

xo-k

ps. working on the blog (like you couldn't tell..) bear with me & please let me know if there is anything you can't read/see/etc!